- The erotic fantasy, definition of Claude Crépault (1981)
Translation for us, mogule:
"Fantasy is a mental image, either in the form of history, memories, or scenarios that excites you."
According to several researches, sharing a fantasy would increase the level of intimacy and understanding between two partners. In addition, if it's a fantasy that turns into sexual desire over time, it may be worth trying it with someone you trust.
According to Master & Johnson, 4 criterias can be used to decide whether or not to share a fantasy:
It is important to understand that fantasies are not sexual desires. That is, some scenarios that excites you in an imaginary situation could probably disturb you or put you in danger in real life.
One of the most present example in the literature is one of the most common female fantasy: rape. Indeed, according to different studies, between 31% and 57% of women would have fantasies of rape*.
It is clear that these women do not wish to be truly raped. Krooks and Baur explain this phenomenon well in the book Our Sexuality;
"For women who have received ambiguous messages about their sexual nature, this kind of fantasy is a way of making them unaccountable for having a sexual adventure and not feeling guilty."
Moreover, in a fantasy of submission the woman is still totally in control of the situation, which obviously would not be the case in real life.
So fantasy: Imaginary situation that creates excitement
Sexual desire: A scenario that, if lived in reality, creates excitement
Now that you are able to tell the difference between your fantasies and your sexual desires, take a few moments in a calm environment and evaluate which scenarios you would like to share or recreate with your partner.
Starting a conversation about your erotic life and needs is not always easy. Here are our little tricks to start the conversation:
If you decide to try this fantasy in your next encounter, we advise you to do it gradually. For example, if your fantasy is to be completely at the mercy of a partner; Ask him/her to hold you by the wrists. If you feel completely comfortable with this level of submission, you can add handcuffs or silk restraints the next time and see how comfortable you are to push this fantasy further.
I would like to mention that you have every right to keep your fantasies to yourself and use them whenever you want, either alone or when you are with a partner. Some of us may be embarrassed or even feel guilty about using fantasies to increase our sexual arousal when we are with a partner. But, remember that it is likely that your partner is also using the power of fantasies at the same time; "96% of men and 91% of women report having occasional erotic fantasies outside their sexual activities" - Book Love, Sex and Chemistry, p.109.
Where we found our information:
- I love female orgasm
- Sex and Human Loving, Master and Johnsons
- Amour, sexe et chimie
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